Nostalgia

Feeling nostalgic. Strong sentiment for things, that is my definition. Not necessarily for things passed.
I am nostalgic of a warm sun, a luminous fireplace, friendship.

Sometimes seeing people you used to know, years later, might be an opportunity to meet someone you never really met. Other times it just reassures you why you actually could never meet.
With time some people change, others are simply the same. Older, different haircut, more or less weight, different attitude, but simply the same in essence.

I never really understood the need to show off. These days, is it part of the new moral values?
Making yourself feel better by putting others down, I see. Fortunately, with age, somethings we learn to dismiss as quickly as a grain of sand. Whatever works for you, like I give a damn. And even without noticing it, I am getting on their nerves. People love to try and make others feel like shit but then get pissed if they don't? I don't see the logic in this, only a twisted fucked up notion of all things living.

I am not a perfect human being. Perfect and human don't actually match. But I do my best. It's sad tough, that for some people, their best, is making others feel worse... If not being the same, makes me bad, than I am. I am a bad ass with no shame whatsoever.

I am nostalgic of time.
Nostalgic of empathy.
Of a place when values were fought for, not bought off...

self loath

Are we running?
are we hiding?
can't we just be?
no.
self is notion, distorted
fear
loath
despair
all implanted in self.
Can we not change how we raise?

How many more kids?
laughed at
picked at
humiliated

for stranger or for weirder
all kids
all soul
all human
just let them be!

Stop taking yourself too seriously

Ricky Gervais got pretty harsh reviews about his presentation skills on the latest Golden Globes. But in an interview on CNN - Piers Morgan Tonight - Gervais got the dots in the "I's".

For one, if they thought those jokes were offensive, then they should never ever go to a stand-up show of Mr.Gervais. And come on grow a back bone, boo woo Ricky Gervais made fun of me. Are we twelve? And how about growing a sense of humour, no? For crying out loud the man makes fun of himself so, why not make fun of others. Not unlike other comedians who take themselves so seriously that no one can make fun of them but they sure as hell can make fun of everything that moves.
Above all: just relax. Stop being so uptight.

Did you not go through far worse things before your career kicked-off? That Golden Globe room was full of grown ups, so just be one and laugh about it. And like Gervais said - come on, Johnny Depp is the coolest man alive, I am sure he has a hell of a sense of humour.

Also during the interview, Piers Morgan says that the joke that touched a nerve was that one just near the end, when Gervais says "Thank you God for making me an atheist". Because being very religious, americans don't appreciate people making fun of their religion. But Gervais points out he was not making fun of religion, he was stating he doesn't believe in God and since everyone thanks God, why couldn't he? Even if for different reasons.

Again, just relax. Everyone is entitled to believe in what they want to believe. And seriously, was it that offensive? Like he said - I have more respect for all religions than most religious people. And who says what is good or bad. I say what is good: I treat people well because it's how I want to be treated.

Why are we so blind?

Dancing shoes

Dancing Shoes Painting by L Lauter




It's absolutely amazing how language barriers can be overcome by dance or music.
In a dance class, even if you don't speak the language of the country, you can follow the teacher's footsteps and simply let go. Feel the music and dance.
The most important things can be said without even using a single word.
Look at those dancing shoes and you will see.
Compassion, Companionship, Closeness in just a few steps. If we only lived like we dance.

Equals

Some wake up, others sleep
Some are day, others night
Some smile, others weep

But aren't we all from the same matter?
Flesh and blood
Sweat and tears

Some question, others follow
Some hope, others fear

But don't we all feel?
Heart vs Reason
Battles fought
Relatives lost
Plans set, for what?

Time passes, ever changing turns
Our beating hearts

Hurt

But forget not:
Some East, othersWest
Some North, others South
But always center,
our core shared
red is the colour.

Don't we all bleed?

Success vs Failure

What is Success?
Does it mean to sacrifice everything for a career? Having a billion dollar bank account?
Where does our contemporary notion of Success come from?
Being successful is something you hear a lot in movies and basically from the mouth of anyone that doesn't like you, for some reason, at some point in life. But success is always identified with being this hotshot business dealer, a self-employed real estate broker, a high in the food-chain actor, musician or a PR agent. All top-notch professions. You never see or hear the word success associated with, let's say, a carpenter, a kindergarden teacher or a restaurant waiter. And why ? Because behind this notion of success there is also prejudice. Only certain jobs represent a certain status quo and God forbid if you ever lose your job. If, by any chance, you have to work in a coffee shop or be a clerk in a supermarket, to make ends meet, no one will again see you as a potential candidate for a position like you had before. They will just see someone who failed. But what is a failure? I don't know why, when thinking about this issue I always go back to American Beauty. I think it sums it up. On the outside perfect but broken on the inside. A brilliant movie that represents what is wrong with these notions. To succeed or to fail is very subjective. And moreover when we place their entire meaning in a career. To succeed is also to love and we tend to forget it... Unfortunately.

When silence talks

Pushing people's buttons seems to be considered a sport theses days. Everyone is at their limit. Problems seem to duplicate. And we are outbursting back and forth at the smallest word spoken. Why? We are all suffering.
Some visibly, others more quietly. It's like an aneurism, just because you can't see it, doesn't mean it isn't there. Of course we have PET scans and MRI's but sometimes it can be so small not even a magnifying lens would enable us to see it. And by the time it can actually be seen, the small bubble has grown into a big bubble and the results there are unforseable. We reached an important crossroad. What are the warning signs?
Comparisons are unfair and not real. How can we measure suffering? It's not like a fever. Where you just pick up a thermometer and see how high it goes. And how do we prevent it? How do we stop it?
It takes baby steps but I would say a first step would be to listen more carefully. Just listen. People say so much by not saying absolutely nothing...

Where is the job I was promised?

Since an early age we are spoon-fed with the idea that if we work hard enough, one day it will all worth while. So we go on and study hard, year after year, to get into a good college and hope the future will smile upon us.
But it is only when we leave college and enter the professional world that we realize the promises made to us were not quite true. Our parents's effort in paying for a higher education was not enough. They did what their own parents couldn't, hoping their children didn't have to go through what they did. But the truth is simple -
if we don't have the right last name or the right connections, well, let's face it, we are pretty much fucked.

I don't live in the US which to some extent might be easier because of the cost of living but being in a small country can be overwhelming. The market is smaller therefore less opportunities are available and having a degree in this economy is the same has being a new fish in a pond full of piranas. I have listened to advice from older, younger and same age friends, temporary job agencies and all told me to come up with a stratigic plan. And I did. But still, it seems as uneffective as my higher education. And believe me, I tried those new hippie creative ways of sending a CV. To an advertising agency I even built a LEGO house with my shrunk but still readable CV on the inside. So it sure as hell isn't for the lack of trying. My question is: what to do next?

Love

With all that is going on in the world, sometimes it seems we have forgotten how to be kind. We have to go back to the time when we were kids and competition was not even in our vocabulary. Back to our boo-boo and baba times. Back to our instinct to look for comfort in another human being.
And maybe, just maybe, then we can learn to talk again. This is the language.